Life, the universe, and everything

tuucker:

irisowl:

So I walked into the dentist this morning. My dentist asked me how my weekend was. I said “Good, I watched Captain America last night. I really liked it.” And my dentist says “Oh, my son is in that movie.” At first I thought he was joking but then I realized

Dr. Robert Evans

I looked it up

My dentist is Captain America’s dad

My doctor is JK Rowling’s husband.

JK Rowling’s husband has asked me if I am sexually active.

(via ugly)

Warning Major Spoiler!

onesentencemusings:

bagelr:

image

Moment of silence for all the people who will never see this joke because they blocked the word ‘Spoiler’.

(via ugly)

“You’re born with a ton of fucks to give, so you spend them like a kid with a credit card. You give fucks about your friends, about your grades, about your fashion sense, about strangers’ opinions. You give way too many fucks about way too many things. You have so many. Then, as you get older, you have maybe 10 fucks per month, so you learn to budget them. You allocate fucks to family and career, but there aren’t enough fucks to give to the newest fads. Oh, someone at work has something they need my help with that’s outside my job title? I’ll do my best to allocate some fucks, but this month is pretty tight. Then, as you get even older, you’re down to 1-2 fucks per month, and those fucks are pretty damn precious. You give them to your family and your hobbies and your job, and that’s kinda it. It’s not your fault – fucks expire too quickly. I would’ve liked to save my fucks from when I was younger but I can’t. Then, you hit fuck insolvency. You’re getting like 1 fuck a year, and you have to make it last. So you go without, and even previously fuck-worthy things, you just can’t give a fuck. Some people run out really quickly, Some people have a fuck trust fund that pays out a decent amount even into old age. But at some point, the fuck faucet runs completely dry and you’re out of fucks to give. It’s just basic Fuckonomics.”
— Unknown English Teacher (via memewhore)

(Source: swarthyvillain, via mjduncan)

lacigreen:

hermionejg:

deputyfuckingparrish:

let’s talk about what a fab human dan radcliffe is…

a++ work, do not regret 13yo me’s crush on him at all

^^

(Source: bcnhills, via ugly)

dilfgod:

straight friend: aw I don’t understand why you’re still single

me: because approximately 8% of the us population identifies under the lgbtq community where 1.1% identifies as lesbian female, 3.5% as bisexual female, 1.7% as gay male, 1.1% as bisexual male, .3% as trans, and .3% as something else, then there’s finding someone who I’m compatible with emotionally, physically, and romantically from less than 8% of the population, and may or may not live near me

(via ugly)

this-grand-theory-of-an-end:

black—lamb:

deebott:

prettyboyshyflizzy:

chillona:

poetic-ness:

l0oooveeeee:

And the church said?

Amen’d

🙊🙊🙊🙊🙊🙊🙊🙊🙊

yaaas u betterrr preachh

yes.

Goddamn 😳

(via a-windsor)